QueerGirlQuestions

Anonymous Asked:

Hi. I am a sophomore in college. and have only ever dated guys. But I think I’m confused. I have liked a few girls before. I find them attractive but when I start talking to them I think “wait I’m not gay” and then drop the idea. Then a year ago, I ended up really falling for a girl. I know she liked me back as well. I had the opportunity to date her but I didn’t. The same thought came up and quite frankly, I was scared. It freaked me out. i couldn’t understand what I was feeling. I’ve pushed it to the back of my mind until recently. I am now talking to a few girls and it’s sparking interest. I also find myself checking out other girls. Of course not every girl but there are a few I am attracted to. Yet I know there is still something there for guys. For example: I know that I am still in love with my ex. It was the most real feeling I’ve ever had. BUt now Im lost. I know it seems obvious as to who I am but I am still confused. And rather scared at that. Do you have any advice for me? I just don;t know what to do anymore. It’s gotten to the point where I am starting to question myself. I just don’t know what to think of it.

One of my favorite lines from Margaret Cho’s stand up routines is when she is impersonating her mother. She changes her voice into a thick accent and says “Everybody’s a little bit GAY.” I love this line because it’s sort of true. There is a guy, Alfred Kinsey, who did some research many years ago and came up with the Kinsey Scale. This scale illustrated that most people are at least a little bi-sexual. Kinsey found that only a small percentage of people had strictly heterosexual or homosexual thoughts, impulses and actions. The rest of the population had different degrees of thoughts, impulses and actions toward same sex AND opposite sex people. Some people thought about intimacy mostly with ladies, some thought about intimacy mostly with fellas, but most people thought about intimacy with both, and many had followed through with intimacy with ladies AND fellas. So please don’t think you’re weird or abnormal. (Almost) Everybody’s a little bit gay. And you don’t have to take any actions until or if you are ready. Take it slow. Make friends with a girl who can take you out to a lesbian event or club and see how it feels to be there.

Now, about your ex… you’re still in love? Sometimes we can jump into dating too fast in order to avoid the pain of the break-up. Are there non-dating things you can do to help with that process? Meditation group? Journal? Start a painting class or a new exercise routine? Make some new friends? Be gentle with yourself as you grieve the relationship and do things to support yourself through this time. Dating other folks will always be an option, but if your feelings need attention they will stick with you until you deal with them.

ryan707 asked: is life worth living?

Yes. Watch this inspiring video about the beautiful moments in life. 

You are not alone and there are people who can support you and help to feel more like your life is worth living. 

If you are feeling hopelessness, sadness or are generally lonely or blue, you may want to call the Trevor Project lifeline to talk over your feelings and come up with some solutions. THE TREVOR PROJECT LifeLine 1-866-488-7386

Anonymous asked: My girlfriend of three years and I recently broke up. She said she was unhappy and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She cheated on me earlier this year(it was basically a full relationship with the mistress, and at the time I was extremely sick) with a 34 year old married woman. She told me she stopped seeing her, and we moved 4 hours away, but I found phone calls to and from the girl on her phone(She was acting suspicious, and though you're not supposed to check each others phones, I felt I had the right to). I brought it up and gave her an ultimatum and she dumped me. That night she drove me home 7 hours to my mothers house, dropped my stuff that she put in plastic bags by the door, and left leaving me with nothing but $300. She came back yesterday, saying that she wanted to try again, but we got in a small argument and she told me she didn't want to do it now, but we'd try again by January (I'll leave to go back to school). I'm not sure what to do now to get over her, and though I know she's no good for me, I miss her terribly. How should I tell her how I feel, and what steps do I need to take to get over her and get on with my life.
Thank you in advance for your reply.

It’s so hard to walk away from a relationship even if we are 99% sure we would be better off without the relationship. One thing that makes it so hard is that it’s painful. When you’ve intertwined your life with another person’s life, it will hurt to untangle from each other. It will hurt for awhile. There will be moments when you want to get back together just to make the pain stop. There will be moments you want to text just to get some contact with the person you miss. There will be moments you want to send her an angry email and delete her number from your phone, and talk about her to her friends. These are normal feelings for anyone going through a break-up. 

One more time: These are normal feelings for anyone going through a break-up. 

The trick to making a break-up stick is weathering the impulses to make the pain stop by contacting the ex even though you really want to make contact however you can. (Via text, email, through friends.)

Let the impulses come (because they will.) Observe them. Call a friend instead and ask them to remind you why you broke up in the first place. Distract yourself and do something else. Or let yourself cry and be sad and mourn the relationship. Give yourself at least six months. 

After the six months, if you still want to call her or text or email, so ahead. But you may feel differently once the sting of the break-up has passed. 

Best of luck 

Cat

Anonymous asked: Hello,
My girlfriend is a gem, We've been together for the last 3 years through the thick and thin. I love her like nothing I've ever loved before. But lately She's become very clingy and I can't hardly have time to myself. She comes over in the morning and leaves late, and gets really sad when I don't see her. I'm a writer and artist and this is really getting in the way of my work. But i'm afraid to tell her how I feel because I'm the only person she has that she can depend on. I don't want to push her away but she's smothering me.
Do you think there's a nice way to get my point across to her without making her feel like I wanna break up?

All you can do is communicate with her about your feelings and wants and needs in a kind and honest way. Her feelings are outside of your control. 

Sometimes it helps to start with all the positives. Reassure her first that you don’t want her to worry, that you want to be together, you love her and want her to be happy. Tell her you imagine spending more years together and see yourselves having a long future together… Then tell her that you’ve been wanting to focus on art and writing but haven’t known how to do that if you don’t have time to yourself to work. 

Maybe propose a date night once or twice a week so that you both have good quality time together and can do other things on other days. 

If you’re worried that this conversation will send the relationship toward it’s ending, then you might propose couples counseling. This works for lots of couples. 

Best of luck, 

Cat

chuzzleblaze asked: wat should i do if i still love my x n i want to still get with her but she dont but then deep inside she does

If she tells you she doesn’t want to get back together then believe her. Take some time apart. Don’t see her or talk to her  for at least a few months. It takes time to get over our feelings but it can be done. You deserve to have a relationship with someone who is clear about their feelings and wants to be with you in the same way you want to be with them.

Best of luck,

Cat