This question was answered by a guest QgQ contributer Pilar Dellano, who is an excellent therapist in San Francisco.
A little about Pilar:
Pilar is an often confounded relationship haver,
a rarely reserved relationship blogger,
and an always excited relationship therapist.
Pilar has her own blog, as well, which you can read here: lonelyforever.wordpress.com
avres asked you:
Hey, I’m Sydney, I’m 13 years old, and I know I’m a lesbian. You see, 13 years old may seem young, but I’m more mature than you might think(but not in the way that I do illegal things. Blegh.). I live in the South in a super small town in the Bible Belt. I’m quite far in the closet. A few friends know about me because I’m confident about who I am, just not to my parents, because I already don’t have a good relationship with them. On to the question part, is there any way for me to find any other LGBT members in my community or school? I’m not looking for a relationship, I just don’t want to feel so lonely anymore.
Hi Sydney,
13 years old is too young to carry an AARP card, or to get the senior discount at Dennys. It is certainly too young to do some of those illegal things you’re so wisely not a part of. But it is definitely not too young to have a sense of who you are and of what’s important to you.
Some of us come out of the womb listening to Lady Gaga and riding in a pride float, while others of us don’t discover who we are until much later in life. If you already know you’re a lesbian, celebrate it. You need not explain yourself to anyone.
Sounds like your decision to stay in the closet is a necessary one for now - especially if your physical or emotional safety is at risk. In spite of the harsh realities of your life as it is today, do what you can to create a world that does not feel stifling, cramped or shameful. If you have to stay in the closet, make it a livable one. Decorate it and invite trusted friends in for lemonade.
Your impulse to create community is right on. It’s been shown that having a strong circle of support around us mitigates feelings of isolation, loneliness, and poor self-esteem.
My advice is to check out local publications, the library, or the internet for lgbtq groups or events in your area or in a bigger town close by. If you have safe access to it, the internet is a wonderful resource - there are forums and online communities that will help you feel less alone. If none of this is an option, try connecting with folks with whom you have other things in common - musical tastes, sports, hobbies; I know it’s not ideal, but even if you aren’t coming together around sexuality, it will still help you feel less isolated.
Most importantly, remember that despite appearances, you are not alone. You have a global community of queer people and allies -me included- who support and admire you for being who you are.
Take care,
Pilar
