Advice and inspiration for your Queer Self from a queer therapist/relationship expert.

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<3, Cat
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Posts tagged "lesbian"

Honeymade made an ad celebrating all the different types of families there are and got a lot of blowback and criticism for it… So they responded with THIS amazing video. 

I find it so frustrating (btw this is an awesome site). I’m bi, and I keep having girl crushes on girls I know are straight. And its just the most depressing feeling checking out a girl or getting to genuinely fall for her when you know nothing can happen. Any advice before I go fucking insane please?

Crushes are totally fine. Normal. And yes also maddening when it feels like they cant go anywhere. 

The best thing to do is to meet more of the girls are who are available. Get some more queers in your life, but start by making friends. Meet more people and before you know it their friends, classmates, bandmates, best friends etc etc will become your friends, too. And in that network of lovely friends you will end up meeting some girls to crush on who are crushing on you, too. 

You can also try online dating. ;)

What did you think of Jodi Foster’s speech?

What does ‘queer’ actually mean? I was told it meant eccentric, and now I’m being told it might mean gay but maybe it’s something else and I just don’t know. So yeah, what does Queer mean?
In general, people use this term to mean “not straight,” not heterosexual, not heteronormative. The word used to mean “strange,” and then was used in a negative way to describe people who were thought to be gay. Many activists in the 1990’s decided to to reclaim the word—and began to use it to describe themselves. Read more here

This question was answered by

Maya Johansson, MFT, a frequent contributer to QgQ. 

gabbyglamm asked you:
Is it normal to be half in the closet and half out of the closet? I acknowledge my sexuality and most people in my family know but I’m still in the process of trying to love myself and I’m not fully out.

Yes, this is totally normal. Coming out is a process, and it’s different for everyone depending on our circumstances. It’s great that you’re out to some core people, and even better that you’re working on loving yourself. Being proud can take a lot of work, because you have to undo a lot of cultural conditioning about not being “normal” or worthy. Probably you will continue to come out to more people as you become more comfortable with yourself, and the more you do it the easier it will get (usually).  The reality is that it’s impossible to be out every minute of the day everywhere. As your life progresses you will continually meet new people who will most likely assume you’re straight until you tell them otherwise. It’s more of a journey than a destination. Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing a great job.


This question was answered by frequent QgQ contributer,

Maya Johansson, MFT

Anonymous asked you:
I am a butch lesbian who’s been single a long time because of baggage from a previous relationship, 3 years ago. The thing is I’m quiet, reserved, introverted, a little socially awkward and REALLY sensitive. I don’t take rejection well. I find this hinders my ability to get to know girls because from past experience, most of the girls I’ve met expect the butch to make the first move or to “chase” them. How do I overcome this?

Unfortunately, you’re struggling with some common stereotypes about identity and roles, and how this cultural baggage plays out in the dating world. First of all let me reassure you that just because you identify as butch you are not obligated to act any particular way, nor is it your job to be the pursuer in relationships. The most important thing you can do is make peace with who you actually are and what feels right to you. I promise that there are women out there of all types who enjoy making the first move, and it doesn’t have to be you. That being said, it’s worth exploring your fear of rejection and trying to remind yourself that if a woman you are interested in doesn’t return the sentiment it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s just about difference, and there is so much difference in taste and chemistry between people, that you need to try to stay open and trusting that someone who is a good fit for you will come along, even if it’s not right away. In general us queer girls can always benefit from being a bit braver, and telling each other how we feel more often. A lot of embarrassment and shame can get triggered when we think about flirting with or trying to get to know someone who we’re attracted to. Try to remember how flattering it is to be complemented in this way by someone else, and that at the end of the day you don’t lose anything by trying.

Good luck!