This question was answered by

Maya Johansson, MFT, a frequent contributer to QgQ. 

gabbyglamm asked you:
Is it normal to be half in the closet and half out of the closet? I acknowledge my sexuality and most people in my family know but I’m still in the process of trying to love myself and I’m not fully out.

Hello!
Yes, this is totally normal. Coming out is a process, and it’s different for everyone depending on our circumstances. It’s great that you’re out to some core people, and even better that you’re working on loving yourself. Being proud can take a lot of work, because you have to undo a lot of cultural conditioning about not being “normal” or worthy. Probably you will continue to come out to more people as you become more comfortable with yourself, and the more you do it the easier it will get (usually).  The reality is that it’s impossible to be out every minute of the day everywhere. As your life progresses you will continually meet new people who will most likely assume you’re straight until you tell them otherwise. It’s more of a journey than a destination. Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing a great job.

Maya

This question was answered by frequent QgQ contributer,

Maya Johansson, MFT

Anonymous asked you:
I am a butch lesbian who’s been single a long time because of baggage from a previous relationship, 3 years ago. The thing is I’m quiet, reserved, introverted, a little socially awkward and REALLY sensitive. I don’t take rejection well. I find this hinders my ability to get to know girls because from past experience, most of the girls I’ve met expect the butch to make the first move or to “chase” them. How do I overcome this?

Hi!
Unfortunately, you’re struggling with some common stereotypes about identity and roles, and how this cultural baggage plays out in the dating world. First of all let me reassure you that just because you identify as butch you are not obligated to act any particular way, nor is it your job to be the pursuer in relationships. The most important thing you can do is make peace with who you actually are and what feels right to you. I promise that there are women out there of all types who enjoy making the first move, and it doesn’t have to be you. That being said, it’s worth exploring your fear of rejection and trying to remind yourself that if a woman you are interested in doesn’t return the sentiment it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s just about difference, and there is so much difference in taste and chemistry between people, that you need to try to stay open and trusting that someone who is a good fit for you will come along, even if it’s not right away. In general us queer girls can always benefit from being a bit braver, and telling each other how we feel more often. A lot of embarrassment and shame can get triggered when we think about flirting with or trying to get to know someone who we’re attracted to. Try to remember how flattering it is to be complemented in this way by someone else, and that at the end of the day you don’t lose anything by trying.

Good luck!

Maya

This question was answered by

Maya Johansson, MFT, a frequent contributer to QgQ. 

Anonymous asked you:
So, I’m a freshman in college. During my break today, there was this girl who, just looking at her gave me butterflies. I did the normal kind-of-stalker thing, stealing quick glances here and there. I couldn’t help but notice rainbow earrings and her conversation about our LGBTQ center and national coming out day. Is there any way that I can talk to her, or introduce herself, or anything, without sounding like a jerk or being weird? The last thing I want is to seem like a creep. Thank you!

Hi,
You’re not a creep, and nothing you did warrants you feeling like a creep. If you see someone you’re into, of course you’re going to look for clues of queerness. The good news is, you got them! It’s not like you followed her home or bugged her room. It’s very exciting to feel those butterflies and I’m sure she’d love to meet you. There’s no way to find out what she’ll think of you if you don’t start somewhere. Just try making conversation with her and see where it goes, and if you’re brave enough to ask her out on a date do it! Good luck!

Maya