QueerGirlQuestions

Advice and inspiration for your Queer Self from a queer therapist/relationship expert.

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Asker Anonymous Asks:
When talking to a girl you are interested in, what are some tactful ways to say that you are a lesbian?
queergirlquestions queergirlquestions Said:

Say something about a “girl you went went out with once…” or ask her about her celebrity crush and tell her about you crush on ___________ (<—-insert celebrity girl’s name here). 

So so excited for LISF for the write up in the SF Bay Guardian! Congratulations to Cat Perez for her awesome photo portraits of the amazing and gorgeous queer girls in San Francisco. QgQ <3’s you!

I'm a 17 year old who identifies as a pansexual. In March, I was in a relationship with my first girlfriend. Things were kept pretty innocent, we only held hands at school, etc etc. but at this time I wasn't out to my mom. Well, my math teacher called her and told her about my "disturbing lesbian behaviour" and advised her to talk to me. The result was being kicked out of my house for the weekend, considering making me live with someone else (and the threat of being put in a mental institution or a youth shelter) and no speaking for two weeks. We're back to being on great terms now, but I don't know that she really took it seriously. I've fallen so terribly hard for this wonderful girl named DJ- a lesbian- who she's met and likes, and I know DJ likes me too. We're on the verge of dating (in the process of growing a pair and telling her how i feel :P) but I don't want this to cause problems with my mom or with our relationship; I don't want to have to hide it from her. I know that my mom isn't homophobic, nor would she present that intense of a reaction again if the opportunity came about- I used to ask her all the time in elementary school how she would treat me if i liked girls or if I was bi, and she always said she would love me no matter what. I know this still applies, but I don't know how to get about doing so once DJ and I start dating.. help?
queergirlquestions queergirlquestions Said:

Coming out to parents can be especially difficult when still living at home because of how it can affect the relationship. It sounds like your mom was really upset when she said you were demonstrating “disturbing lesbian behavior” and kicked you out of the house for the weekend. You sound pretty sure that she wouldn’t do this again, but I wonder why you are so sure. Think it over again. Sometimes it’s not worth risking the safety and security of living at home to come to the parents. Many people choose to wait until they can support themselves for just that reason. It’s not wrong to wait to come out. 

If you are sure you want to come out to your mom here are some good pointers. Click here

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I've been seeing this girl for about 2 years and a bit now. We don't live in the same city (6hours away) but we see eachother every chance we get. I'm serious about her and i'm pretty sure she is too about me.
We've talked about getting a little place together someday and i feel like that might really be an actual possiblity within the next 2-3 years or something like that. I know things might work out differently and all since that's quite a bit of time but i'm the kind of person that likes to have a rough idea of where i want things.
The thing is, she has a minor problem with drugs, it's not like crazy or over the top but it bothers me regardless. I've brought it up already with her. She's said she's wanted to change that too and she's made attempts but the people she hangs out with isn't the best of company and i guess the temptations too great at times.
I guess i'm just worried about actually getting a place together with this in the mix. It's the root of other problems at times too. I'm scared if things don't work out, where we'll be later on since this would be quite a considerable move for either of us and neither of us would have all that much support from either of our families and such - when i say support, i just mean in the sense of being there for you, not a financial aspect. I feel like this sounds more like a rant though but what would you do? Or consider beforehand?
Nothing is set in stone but another persons opinion would be greatly appreciated. :)
queergirlquestions queergirlquestions Said:

I think your worries are trying to tell you something. Some part of you is worried if this relationship is solid enough to count on enough to live together. Living together is a HUGE deal, and you already have a HUGE concern. I’m not saying break up… just maybe hold off on moving in together until this has been resolved. In the meantime, check out a few Al-Anon meetings. Al Anon is for people who have feelings about another person’s drinking and/or drug use. 

Best of luck 

Cat

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Hey! I need lesbian advice LOL. I'll try to make this as interesting as possible, but it's a long story, because I notice everything about this girl<3

The girl- she's VERY attractive...she's like a girl in a movie lol in the way that everyone is probably attracted to her , but she's not into herself or arrogant or fake anything like that. Me, I'm just average.
So I had the same french class with her all year , but we didn't do group projects and I just really met her 3 weeks ago she barely knew my name. From there, I was discouraged, but at the same time I notice things she does 1) acts differently around me...laughs whenever I laugh, doesn't face me, looks at me ( we stared at each other for around 7 seconds, but since then whenever I catch her looking she looks away) I've talked to her a few times, but I never have the right thing to say and it makes it awkward. For ex. after class we've had a small talk and I ended just walking away.We're both freshman's and it's the end of the school year. She doesn't have a fb, and I don't have her #, but I really haven't talked to her enough to just ask for it. Plus, I don't have a yearbook so the signing is ruled out. She got my mind infatuated and fascinated on what she might be like...Is the girl of my dreams?♥
queergirlquestions queergirlquestions Said:

Thanks for sharing your story. She is for sure the girl for your dreams for the summer. Let’s hope you both end up in the same classes again next year. 

Best of luck

Cat

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I'm a 22 year old woman but I look (physically) like I'm 13 or 12 years old instead. I was wondering if this could be a reason why no woman ever approaches me. Do you think that woman see me and think I'm just a little girl and they're more into normal looking woman (woman who look their age). Should i date younger woman instead?
queergirlquestions queergirlquestions Said:

I think this is more about confidence and how you feel about yourself than it is about how you look. Stick with dating girls in your age range and focus more on building up your self-image and some more confidence when it comes to dating. Start to approach girls just for practice. Ask a friend to be a “wingman” and approach two girls together. The truth is that when we feel self-conscious about something, it can keep us from putting ourselves out there. Other people may not even notice the THING we are self-conscious about, but they do notice that we seem self-conscious and uncomfortable, so they stay away. 

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