Anonymous asked: i know its really bad to fake orgasms, but ive never had one. i know faking it isnt going to help my partner learn to give me one, but the problem is i have already been faking for a while. how do i stop? i dont want to TELL her ive been faking, but i also dont think i can just stop faking it, or she will be confused why ive stopped orgasming (she thinks) all of a sudden. what do i do?!
Hi!
First of all, you are in good company with this problem, so try not to feel too freaked out or alone, and take some pressure off yourself. It seems to me that there are really two separate issues here. One is your personal sexual gratification; your ability and desire to have an orgasm. The other is a communication and trust issue with your girlfriend. They are obviously very connected, but I think it will help to tackle one at a time. I would say yes, it’s bad to fake an orgasm because you are depriving yourself and your partner of a wonderful experience. And also women do it all the time. But let’s try to reverse that trend!
If you don’t tell your gf what’s really true, you will miss the opportunity to have a new level of intimacy and connection with her. I know this is scary, because you’re going to have to admit that you’ve been “lying” to some degree all along. However you owe it to yourself and to her to come clean, and have the conversation. Before you do, take some time to think about what you want to say, and what feels hard and scary about this topic. Maybe journal about it or talk it through with a friend if that’s an option. Tell her that you’ve been faking it, and why. Speak about your feelings and experience as much as possible, so she can understand you better. This will make is easier for her to empathize with you. Once this conversation is out in the open, you can move the focus to yourself, and actually working on having this much sought-after orgasm. This can involve your girlfriend to whatever degree is most comfortable for you. Experiment with getting to know your body and what you like. When you know these things about yourself, it will be easier to communicate them with her. Try to relax and enjoy yourself, and take the pressure off. This is sex after all, it’s supposed to be pleasurable. Talking about sex is embarrassing and hard, but it is worth pushing yourself out of your comfort zone because it will improve your relationship in many ways, not just in bed.
Good luck and be brave!
Maya
